Happy birthday

Two weeks ago was the seventh birthday of my little blog! Seven years old! It's true, I did get off to kind of a slow start, so really it's more like three years-old but nonetheless, two weeks ago was the birth date.

Alright, alright, I'm lazy. Though, in my defense I did actually write this post on my blog's birthday. I just didn't post it. Since the only hits I get on my blog these days are from people googling "scary possums" and "Clint Eastwood eyes" I figured it would be a good idea to put something on here.

A couple weeks ago Chris was telling me I should write on my blog more. He said, "2009 was the prime of your blog's life." I would agree. 2009 was a pretty good year for this blog. I wrote more than the last two years put together and I would say it was better writing. I metaphorically sat down to mull this over and see if I could identify what factors had changed between my entertaining blog with lots of readers then, and my boring blog now and I have discovered two things.

1. I edited my posts more. High school english was right. Good writing is about revision.

2. My motivations. 2009 was kind of a hard year for me. No, it wasn't all terrible, (I went to Europe for Pete's sake!) but I think that I felt a little lost for most of that year. I don't want to say depressed—perhaps morose is a better word. I think mostly I was writing for attention. Not that I don't write for attention anymore, because let's get real, anyone who writes a blog is writing for attention, I just don't need it in the same way.

Two years ago I was insecure. I still am but not as much. I felt as though I never conveyed myself in the way that I really am. Like people could never see me the way I felt I was because I never acted like it because I was too terrified of everything. Sending something you authored about yourself out into the internet void feels like you are setting the record straight, and then when people actually read it and you know you have an audience it makes you feel like you were communicating in a way that is accurate. Writing about your life in any manner is a pretty good way to have some introspection. Blogging is just journaling with an audience. You get the benefits of journal writing, and you are flattered that people like what you write and who you are enough to read your blog. Sort of a false sense of security through self-flattery I guess, but it was a bit of a release for me.

And then I grew. With old friends and new people in my life who helped me be more confident and happy. I needed to express myself less and less here and slowly my two halves glued themselves together.

So basically I just care less about this blog then I did before. Because I don't need it anymore. I just like it. I like to document parts of my life that are fun, just like I love reading other people's blogs about their lives. I do still believe blogs are a good place for self expression, a good place for creativity. However, I just don't think about it every day. My blog is more just about fun these days.

Anyway. There it is—a feeeeelings post. Haven't had one of those in a while...